Dearly beloved,

We are all gathered here to today to mourn the passing of Sam, the "World’s Ugliest Dog". He was a good dog, he was a kind dog, but most of all he was a hideously grotesque dog. Some people called him a hero, some called him a saint, while others just called him "Sam." But I think that one thing that everyone can agree upon calling him is one ugly motherf#$ker. But it is not his appalling countenance that he will ever be remember for, nor the fact that he looks like Spike from that movie Gremlins. No, no. It is his everlasting legacy that he has left behind to all of us, which he will be most deeply remembered for. And if it were not for Sam, I think I can safely say that I dont think many of us would be the people that we are today. Kudos to you Sam, Kudos. You were a damn good dog. Most of us dont know what its like to be ugly, but you lived through it every single day and stuck it out like a G. As the great Skee-Lo once said, "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her, I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat, and a six four Impala," but as we all learned from Sam, this cannot always be achieved. So in conclusion, when you walk down the street today and you see that ugly girl coming towards you, I say to you, do resent her or act like you do not see her. I say embrace that ugly woman and say to her, "I love you and all of your repulsive features." That is what Sam would have wanted. Thats what Sam always wanted. Here’s to you Sam. The dog with the heart of gold, and the face of warts. May God commend your spirit into his heavenly kingdom. Peace.

current mood: sad